The sex life of the piranhas

The other day, my esteemed colleague P. Grimm and I decided to enlighten the world about yet another piece of trivia (one might need if one were, say, trapped in an aquarium of turned on piranhas and wriggling out (pun intended) was the order of the day !

Anybody who has seen a piranha feeding frenzy would respectfully hesitate to push any more boundaries or hazard any intimate moments, but we had just come away from an episode of South-park, where that Aussie guy (RIP) used to jam his thumb (south-park ! sue 'em) up the crocks bottom just to 'piss it off' and gain TV ratings, and we were young and ready and ready to conquer the world.

A few words here on the general disposition this particular fish has cultivated through strict parental conformities and heavy spankings. Most of us would say sex is natural, sex is fun. Their views on the entire issue isnt too far away, sex is natural, sex is fun, (only if sexual partner is voraciously nibbled at once the deed is done). See they even rhyme it. Just in case they want to croon a post coital lullaby. (between nibbles)

We land up in Piranha country armed to the teeth (no, bad pun!), ... umm, armed to the gills ? (hmm .. ), armed heavily so that we could always show them whose master, while they went about their daily business in an eerie silence. Certainly no noise disturbed the male who has his canines out, probably a human equivalent of "see how big IT is!". From what I fathered, err, gathered, the female of the species wasn't impressed. Perhaps all females are the same, staring deep into his eyes and mentally masturbating to the concept of togetherness and commitment! (What mentally! ?) I'd go as far as to say that my latest muse positively screams in delight as I wrestle with her magic buttons, moaning out 'ooh, a white picket fence! Ooooh 2 children! while I wonder why female nipples are so terribly attractive after all...

Back to the piranhas. It seems like given a choice between food and sex, all humans would prefer sex, since probably one implies the other, but not vice-versa, and we all know what that means ! Piranhas prefer sex too, and probably the thought of all that wasted food contributes to the havoc that follows when the guy piranha attempt some clumsy reference to humor (of the teeth gnashing type ..) or even some philosophical leanings (of the canine mashing type). In any case it starts, continues and ends with a grimace, and it looks like they're in a hurry !

Now the only true respectful sight in the kind of documentaries Nat-Geo and discovery portray is the extended mating rituals and dances that give way to musically enhanced tender lovemaking. The piranhas on the other hand, act as if there is an important party on the other side of this orgasm, which supposedly started without them !

The sex life of the piranhas was only fully documented by one P. Duffy. His brilliant idea was to throw in a pair of piranhas and a packet of Viagra into the mix, say a quick prayer regarding overdoses (fish! uknow?) and settle back and enjoy the show !!

The stimulant was disposed off as early as possible and then the light of romance, the arrow of the green slimy Cupid struck with its full force, and I cast aside my mortal limitations (when in sea, behave as sea, types. .) and we ended up having a joyous threesome, with me in the middle. In fact, so caught up was I in the heat of the moment that I didn't care about inter species diseases (which coincidently did contribute to the manner of thi article ... ) and simply went with the flow. I have one thing to say on the entire issue though (being a man!). Always know who the aggressive one is. Make sure she doesn't get angry. And when that inevitable event occurs, don't ask for a blowjob. They tend to take such things seriously, these piranhas. On the other hand, I'd have to say its a better experience than a car tailpipe. One learns. The only problem is making yourself scarce once the deed is done. You cannot out-swim them !!!!!